RIGHT OKAY SO I WAS TALKING TO MY 5 YEAR OLD COUSIN ON SKYPE ABOUT HALF AN HOUR AGO AND SHE LEFT FOR A LITTLE WHILE TO GO DO SOMETHING AND DIDN’T WANT ME TO BE LONELY, SO SHE LEFT HER PET FURBY (SHE CALLS IT “LULU”) ON A CHAIR TO “TALK” TO ME FOR A WHILE
SO I ROLL WITH IT AND JUST KIND OF BUM AROUND FOR A MINUTE WAITING FOR HER TO GET BACK WHEN SUDDENLY A NOISE THAT SOUNDS LIKE SATAN’S ASSHOLE FARTING OUT A METALLICA SOLO COMES OUT OF THE SPEAKERS, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME LULU DECIDES TO START LAUGHING FOR A GOOD 20 SECONDS NON-STOP IN A HIGH PITCHED SCREECH
AND THEN MY COUSIN WALKED BACK IN AND EVERYTHING JUST IMMEDIATELY HALTED
NOT SURE IF I SHOULD INFORM SOMEONE THAT SHE’S PROBABLY LIVING WITH A HELL DEMON DISGUISED IN A PLUSHY PINK PACKAGE JUST WAITING TO DEVOUR THE SOULS OF THE LIVING
It’s 2014. Anyone who buys their child a furby knows exactly what sort of unholy pact they are making, trust me.
non-binary genders date back to ancient egypt if not earlier and yet people still act like they’re some kind of “tumblr trend” like what else from 2000 bc are you not gonna believe in? roads? beer? locks?
the pyramids are a myth perpetuated by social justice bloggers
everything’s so funny when u use the wrong measurement:
- 5 gallons of homework
- mouthful of lint
- 20 degrees of facial oil
- 7 pints of china
- handful of fergi
- 60 mph of dad
i hate when people say “you’ve barely touched your food” like what do you want me to do stroke it
buy my ass and touch me pizza
IT TOOK ME TWO TIMES TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON, HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY SIDES.
This is amazing. What the hell is the source?
i won’t lie
i am in fact an “attention whore”
i need to feel like i actually matter to people
i need to feel like i’m not a totally horrible person
i need to feel like there are people who love me
because i’m certainly not gonna do it myself
there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me
it’s called the throne
When you’re almost dead in a game but somehow you managed to survive until the next level
when the two smartest kids in the class get different answers
this girl is a national hero